Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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