You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
