There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
