I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
