i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
