I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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