we have pet lesbian snakes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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