If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
