my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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