he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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