But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
