Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
