I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
