I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
