I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
