Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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