Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
