I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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