If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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