Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
