Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
