I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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