I will die if light touches me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
