My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Bring me that man meat
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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