DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
