he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
