Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
