oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
