he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
