she woke up with a sticky ear
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I smell like Dick and happiness
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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