Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
