I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
