i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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