i permit you to call me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
