i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
