Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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