It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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