Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
