I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
