Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
