she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
