honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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