There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
