I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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