Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she peed on how many people?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
