I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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