you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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