Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
