the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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