hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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