You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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