Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
